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Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Why Do People Want To Be With You?

If none of the traits mentioned in earlier blogs explain why people would want to be with you, then why else  would they spend time with you?  People are by nature hard wired to be social.  They instinctually want to bond with other people.  Otherwise there would be no society.  It makes life less lonely, less boring, gives us someone to bounce ideas off of, and we accomplish more than we could alone.  

 So you already have a head start just by being human.  People already want to bond with you.  But this begs the question:  why do people want to bond with you rather than with someone else?  What is "the secret?"  

1:45 am edt          Comments

Tuesday, May 16, 2017

Myth: You have to be friendly and helpful for people to spend time with you.
This sounds seductively obvious, but it's wrong.  Do you know people who are not particularly friendly or helpful who still have friends? I think we wonder why some people are actually attracted to people who are not the nicest, even abusive, but we know it happens all the time.  Can you imagine how some people would actually be uncomfortable around a friendly, kind, giving person? They might not trust such a person.  They might think the person is naive, stupid, boring, or has an ulterior motive.  They might feel embarrassed to be dependent upon or helped by others.  So being friendly and helpful is not a requirement for others to spend time with you.  Nor is it a guarantee.  It could have the opposite effect.
11:39 pm edt          Comments


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